Waiting and Sex

Dear Zach,

A week passed and it felt as if I have been through 4 months of unemployment. The days were so slow to the extent that my mind might explode for not being useful at all. Past 4 days was too dreadful to live. I felt like something missing - though the biggest part of missing was my job - and I couldn't pinpoint what it is. I stay at home, refusing to go out, except heading to the gym in the morning, the remaining of the day I'd spend my time on my bed and read, and switching between the gay hookup apps (Grindr, Tinder, and Jackd) for hookup in every hour. Here's a fact about me: I tend to get horny when I have nothing to do. Hence the series of hook up since last Thursday til yesterday. I had sex on last Thursday and Friday. And gave head in swimming pool shower room on Saturday. And masturbated twice everyday for the following days. And had sex yesterday again. And I met most of the guys from Grindr. Tinder sucks and guys there are shy to ask what you up to, and the conversation couldn't even last for an hour because they are shy to ask for sex. Their true intention showed when I was being brutally honest telling them that I was up for hook up, you in? Too bad I never got one from Tinder. And I got fed up with Jackd guys because they keep asking for pictures. And I told them to fuck off. I had a job interview last Friday actually. And it seems promising and they will let me know by early of May. I can't really wait til next week for answer.  

Last Friday Night

Dear Zach,

So since I submitted my resignation on last Thursday, my manager decided to waive the serving of one month notice and let me go on Friday. It was a rather awkward situation whereby she was so speechless of my course of action happened in the middle of impromptu meeting as everyone was watching us, she had nothing to say nor ask about my reason of leaving as if it wasn't obvious enough for me to leave. It was an excruciatingly awkward for the whole afternoon in the office, simply because of what had just happened. And I felt a tingling of hatred towards me from my stupid ex-coworkers. Since last Friday was my last day of work, as so happened there was an interview landed on that morning itself, I took a half day leave and went to work in the afternoon. After 2 hours of doing nothing in the office, my manager decided to release me before 6 pm. I was more than happy to leave. I did not bid goodbye to anyone in the office. I loathe them. 

At night, I met up with one of my sex buddy for a long-overdue sex. He almost tear my ass off apart. And it was incredible. 

I Quit

Dear Zach,

I quit. Again. I handed my resignation letter across the desk to my manager. It was in the middle of heated discussion where the question about task-to-do-today was landed on me, Everyone was awaiting my response. I looked at the desktop as if searching for strength to tell her about my to-do list. My mind was racing with possibilities. Without knowing that I was so nervous, my palms were so sweaty. Five seconds had passed. I couldn't think of anything to do today. I couldn't think of anything to do ever, at my desk, in this office. I don't know what I was doing. I was so disappointed at the fact that I couldn't even muster a solid prove that I was actually doing something in favor of her request. Simply because she banned all the ideas and I practically had nothing left to work with. Ten seconds had passed. She was waiting, elbow on the table, palm tucked under her chin. Being clueless about my job, this job, that I was once so eagerly to learn, now I hated it, I want to leave. Don't ever come back to here again. Fifteen seconds of silence had passed. I pulled open my desk drawer, and withdrew my resignation letter I typed last night, and passed it to her, in front of everyone. 

"This job doesn't fit me. I can't do it. I quit."

Do It Again

Dear Zach,

It didn't take me long enough to brush up my resume and send it out to all the potential jobs being advertised online. The best part is: I actually do my searching in my office, right beside where my manager is sitting, it's just few feet away from my desk, but she couldn't notice what was happening in my monitor as she is too busy to notice me. I could not be bothered to get caught - that would be helpful if it does. I have not quit my job yet; Once I get a better offer, I'd definitely resign ASAP. I don't hate my job; I feel like my mind has been stalled for working for the past few months and I highly think that I was getting dumb by each minute sitting there, doing same thing, every single day.

Again. It is the third time I do this. Aimlessly sending out resume hoping for landing a good job.  

Talk About Dream

Dear Zach,

I came across this statement on Facebook in other day saying that "No one care if you are unhappy with your job. Your bills don't care if you are unhappy." Sadly, truthfully, and undeniably to say that this statement really struck me so hard. Indeed, I am unhappy with my job. I have my dream. I have my own vision. I want to do something I am passionate about. I want to quit my job tomorrow, and go after my dream to be a writer. To write a book. To publish articles on newspaper. Or, better yet, to get featured in Reader's Digest. To be an author. To get recognized by writing a heart-breaking novel that sell millions copies.

Only then I realized that I can't. Simply because I had no idea where to start.